Take Care

My son came home upset one day because some of the students in his class had been acting up and the whole class had to put their heads down on their desks for five minutes. I tried to empathize with his frustration at being disciplined for something he didn’t do, but all I could think was, “Man, I wish someone would tell me to put my head down on my desk for five minutes.”

Well, I should have been careful what I wished for because soon after, I got that wish, but not quite as I had hoped. During a poorly-coordinated moment of multitasking, I reached for one child while facing the other and felt a pain unlike any other shoot down my left leg. Even worse, it was on the first day of a family vacation (actually almost the first minute as we were getting into our rental car at the airport) and it didn’t go away on the ride to Grandma’s, or the rest of that day, or the next, or the next. So I spent most of the week doing nothing, but not in a good way. The initial pain eventually subsided, but when it reoccurred months later I sought the help of a physical therapist.

Twice a week, I finally got the chance to put my head down, for more than five minutes.

The problem was this was the only time I would rest. As soon as I got back from the bubble that was my appointment, I would resume life at full-tilt again.

The first directive the therapist gave me was, “Don’t bend forward.” I ask you to try this for one day. You won’t believe how often you bend forward, especially if you are the parent of young children. I concluded that I spend about 60% of my day bending forward…to pick up things, wipe up spills, change diapers, dress myself or my kids, and so on. And it seemed I needed to bend even more once I was told not to, like when the therapist said I should not bend over the crib to kiss my toddler goodnight. I immediately shrugged this concern off as it was something I never really did – until that very evening when I achingly returned to an upright position after bending over the crib rail to kiss my toddler goodnight. Why is it that when someone tells you not to do something, you automatically do it? I guess I understand my kids better now.

Though I went to physical therapy for a few months, I continued to undermine it with my daily life. The physical therapist advised me to rest “…but you don’t have to lie down like a princess or anything,” she clarified. “Please,” I said, “Can you please write me a prescription that says I have to lie down like a princess?” It was the only way it was going to happen.

I was given stretching exercises to do, but they also involved lying down, and as soon as I hit the carpet, my husband would walk in the room and give me a look like, “What are you doing lying down?” or my children would just pile on. In particular, my toddler liked to climb on my legs and slide down them shouting “Wheeeeeee!” That was not on the advised activity list. The therapist said I should try to train my toddler to sit on my legs and massage my back. Yeah, right. I can’t even get my husband to do that.

Eventually, I gave up the physical therapy because I “didn’t have time.” I chose short-term living (“doing”) over long-term life and the pain remained. Clearly my body was trying to tell me something.

It is all too common that we parents care for our children, spouses, households, and careers, but forget to stop and take care of ourselves. Like sharks, we may feel like we’ll die if we stop swimming or maybe drown in a sea of “shoulds”, as in “I should be doing something more.” Sadly, it’s often not until we break down in some way that we recognize the importance of a regular tune-up, something we’d never question for our cars, our homes, or probably even another human being.

Recently. I started practicing yoga to help with my physical issues and my mental health too. I still struggle to make the time for classes, but I am trying harder. Sometimes when I make it to class, I am so happy to be there, I almost start to cry. Finally, for all good reasons, someone is telling me to just lie down.