So Soon Forgotten

When I saw that the band They Might Be Giants was performing nearby this fall, I couldn’t have been more excited. A few years ago, while his four-year-old peers were listening to Laurie Berkner and watching Bob the Builder, my son was listening to and watching TMBG and their quirky kids CD/DVD “Here Come the ABC’s.” His love of letters and numbers was further reinforced via their follow-up album “Here Come the 123s” which played on our media players for months.

So, you can imagine my surprise when my now eight-year old son shrugged with indifference after I told him about the concert. “OK,” he said, always game for a show, but clearly not recalling the music at all. So maybe he forgot the tunes, but I thought the television theme songs would surely jolt his memories. “They sang the Higglytown Heroes theme,” I said, referring to a Disney show we watched daily for probably two years. “What are the Higglytown Heroes?” he asked. After I managed to pick my jaw up off the floor, I stammered, “You don’t remember Higglytown Heroes???”, then started listing the other shows that we watched and visited online regularly. “Jojo’s Circus?” “Bear in the Big Blue House?” “Stanley?” He looked at me blankly, and I think I felt my heart break, just a little bit.

Later, as I listened to him complain about having to watch a Barney video with his baby sister yet again, I had to chime in. “Do you know how many times I watched the same video with you again and again?” I asked. “Do you know you would make me read all the ABC books in the library when we went? Every one. Every time we went! We would be there for hours!” He thought this was hilarious (both the story and my hysteria in telling it), but he didn’t remember.

How can it be that he doesn’t remember these central moments that dominated his short life? Sure, I don’t remember much of anything from my early childhood either, but he is still in his early childhood. We spent hours, weeks, months, years watching these shows, playing the related online games, reading the books, listening to the CDs, watching the DVDs! All that time and energy spent in what I thought were bonding exercises with my son. Was it all for nothing? Do these moments get tossed in the giveaway pile along with all the other toys he loved for a few months then completely forgot about?

Well, probably not. Or not quite. Somehow, I have to believe that when we do engage in sufficient quality time with our children, they grow up feeling nurtured, secure, encouraged, and loved, even if they don’t remember all the details. (Perhaps that explains why a certain tune or scent or image can make us smile even when we can’t identify it.)

Still, I’ve been a little melancholy since this recent exchange with my son. You see, my daughter is six years younger than her brother, and I now realize that her infatuation with Elmo, Mickey Mouse, and the rest will soon be forgotten, and all we will have to show for it is some photos from Sesame Place and a Minnie Mouse Halloween costume. I wish I didn’t know this so that I could remain blissfully focused on indulging her excitement, just as I did for my son. But instead I have found myself tearing up a bit when I watch her sing and dance along to her favorites with that innocent surprise and excitement that toddlers express even on their one-hundredth viewing (“There’s Barney!” she cries, each time the DVD starts) . I know it doesn’t last long.

As for my son, TMBG won him over again. He thought the concert was great, even though he had his mom shouting “Do you remember this one?!” in his face every time an old favorite was featured. No, he didn’t remember the songs, but they shot confetti into the audience more than once and he thought that was just awesome. In fact, he filled my purse with handfuls of the shredded paper to bring home so he won’t forget.