Stumblin' Thru Disney

We just got back from Disney World, a last minute jaunt planned during the cabin fever days of a February snowstorm. With a princess-obsessed little girl and a Splash Mountain-loving son, it seemed the perfect time to go. But I get the impression that other families do Disney better – or at least more intensely – than we do.

Most families get the package deal with multiple days in multiple parks, stay in Disney hotels, fill up on the meal plans with their refillable cups, attend character breakfasts/lunches/dinners, and know the perfect viewing spots for the nightly fireworks. They navigate the park expertly from “land” to “land” obtaining fast passes for the most popular rides while waiting in line for the others and never doubling back. They have full Disney wardrobes, with Minnie dresses and Buzz Lightyear backpacks.

We are not most families. We stay off campus, fumble our way through public transportation, wander indirectly from ride to ride, and leave after a few hours. Somehow, we make it work, though I haven’t quite figured out if we win or lose in our attempts to outsmart the Disney marketing conspiracy and their comparison-resistant all-inclusive plans.

This time we opted to stay a mile from Downtown Disney, so close that it seemed easy to get to and from the park if our schedules didn’t match the few and far-between shuttles from our hotel. But it turned out to be a little more complicated than we thought. I’ll spare you the details but suffice it to say that our hour-plus trips back and forth played out like “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” just renamed “Buses, Monorails, and Cabs”. I started to suspect that Disney discouraged any travel outside its realm. Point Disney.

We were just staying two days and our hotel served breakfast, so we opted out of meal plans and chose to focus on just the Magic Kingdom. All of the character meals were sold out by the time we planned our trip, but we waited on a five minute line to meet Mickey instead, and that was enough for everyone. The kids saw Mickey, I got a picture, and my husband saved about $200 on food expenses. Point us!

We had a vision of getting an early start and staying late into the night, but our kids maxed out after four hours. On day two, it was a battle to get them out of the hotel. They didn’t care that they hadn’t seen Ariel yet or gone in the Haunted Mansion. They didn’t want a souvenir. They certainly didn’t care about maximizing the value of our very expensive two-day tickets. They were just tired of walking.

Not that there weren’t other kids who were ready to leave, mind you. By my observation, around 4:30 pm the “happiest place on earth” fills with tears as boys with pirate faces and girls in pastel gowns and glittered hair demonstrate their fatigue with full-out tantrums. Their parents look pretty worn out as well, as they bribe their kids with pretzels and Mickey pops to keep them going until their dinner with Cinderella.

But I’m pretty sure that we were the only family whose kids were begging to leave the park by 5 pm so they didn’t miss the free chips and slurpees at our hotel’s complimentary happy hour. Seriously, $100 a day for tickets and you want to get back for free tortilla chips?

“Well, we could always come back later,” we thought, but instead, we ordered room service and crashed – forget the fireworks. Point Disney? (Or does free drinks mean the point goes to us?)

Of course, despite all efforts to avoid the costly Disney traps, we did get suckered once. The new attraction “Enchanted Tales with Belle” gives the kids the chance to act out a scene with Belle from Beauty and the Beast. My daughter was cast as the little cup “Chip” and for some reason I was also cast, as an armored guard. It was very cute, and on the way out we were given an online access code to view photos taken by a Disney photographer. When I saw the cost of purchasing these photos, it dawned on me that I was probably cast so I wouldn’t take my own photos. (I may have been fiddling with my camera when they picked me). I’m not making any accusations, just saying that would be a smart move. I mean, who’s not going to buy a photo of their child acting with Belle (I’ll admit it’s hard enough to pass up the photo of me acting with Belle!) Point Disney.

So, we may not be the most efficient family at Disney World, but we still had a great time. The kids enjoyed the rides, parades, and characters as we stumbled upon them. And we even got a lovely couple to take the required family shot in front of Cinderella’s castle.

Wait, Christmas card photo done, in March?! We win!