Hallow-Whine

Three days until Halloween and the truth is, I can’t wait until it’s over. I may be egged for saying this but I hate Halloween. To me the holiday is more stressful than Christmas. It’s not the fear of evil spirits, or the arachnophobic reactions I have to the giant spiders hanging over neighborhood windows, or even the ushering in of candy season (to be followed by birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Easter). It is the pressure of costuming.

By the time you read this, I will probably be on the brink of an all-nighter to create a Halloween costume for my child so that he will not have to attend his school Halloween parade dressed as, well, a second-grader. It’s not that I create elaborate, imaginative, amazing costumes with hard to find accessories or intricate detailing. It’s just that we can’t seem to agree on an idea until time is running out.

I’ve already asked him to go as a Cub Scout, kung fu fighter, or something else he already has a “costume” for, but he’s on to me, and wasn’t going to be conned into wearing a uniform, even if he could be a black belt for the night.

We went through all the catalogs and walked countless store aisles, but nothing excited him. You see, my child is a little unconventional, so the mainstream characters don’t interest him. For the record, once he was a “Dead End” sign.

Even when his interests coincide directly with popular culture, his approach is from the side. For example, he loves Mario Brothers, but he has no interest in dressing as Mario, a costume both easy to create and easy to purchase. Instead, he wants to dress up as an obscure bad guy from those video games, which are odd-shaped creatures that don’t conform to conventional costuming materials. Believe me, I know. [Note that he actually did dress as Mario when he was three, when Mario himself was obscure - known only to other parents before the Wii introduced the character to his generation.] I suppose I should admire his unique style, but this time of year, I wish he had a thing for Buzz Lightyear, Luke Skywalker, or even Scooby Doo.

And frankly, I am terrible at coming up with costume ideas for my children or myself. While I’m always up for a night out, invitations to Halloween parties fill me with dread as I can never quite get a costume right. Store-bought ideas usually involve fishnet stockings and skimpy clothes, which is not my style. And couple ideas usually involve my reluctant husband who is even more resistant to dressing up than I am. My default costume used to be a hippie or clown – both of which involve nothing more than finding the right combination of family clothing and a little makeup. But now, my husband and I fight over our one official NFL jersey or the scrubs he got at the hospital when our youngest was born.

I am also a little scared of people in costume, which I guess is a little similar to people who have an aversion to clowns. Sure, I smile watching adorable parades of princesses and super heroes at school and seeing the shy toddlers taking their first costumed steps for candy outside my door. But I flinch when I see gangs of kids running up the walk, or open the door to face Scream masks, especially when I notice that my supply of candy is running dangerously low.

Perhaps it stems back to my own Halloween nightmares, the most memorable of which occurred in sixth grade. A friend and I were ending our trick or treating, heading home with bags full of candy and giggling together as girls will do, when three older boys dressed in black jumped out from the trees and grabbed us. I got away, but my friend’s sandwich board costume was torn apart and her candy stolen, and both of us were shaken up after an unexpected attack in what had previously been the unconditional comfort of our childhood neighborhood.

Later in high school, the memory of an unidentified masked man weaving through a party still haunts me, not to mention similar experiences at large metropolitan parades during my college and adult years.

This year, I tried to get ahead of the holiday, inspired by my daughter’s Elmo obsession to buy us all Sesame Street themed shirts. But I wasn’t able to find one for my husband, and besides, t-shirts don’t really make a costume. However, my family has decided that mine is just perfect , so for Halloween this year I’ll be…….Oscar the Grouch.