Resolutions

This year I resolved to start a regular exercise regime. I would be at the gym right now, but I had to write this column. And though I resolved to eat healthier, I’m subsisting on cookies and coffee to keep me awake into the wee hours so I can meet my deadline. I also resolved to submit my columns earlier, but I’ve managed to fill all my writing time creating to do lists and tidying up, even though I resolved to stop procrastinating, and to save cleanup for day’s end after the messers all go to bed. And you can see my resolution to stop making excuses isn’t going so well either.

So here we are, four days into the new year (at this writing) and the score is Old Habits-6, Resolutions-0.

Apparently, I’m not alone. Studies have shown that 40-45% of adults make New Year’s resolutions, but 25-30% are broken within the first week and half disappear within six months.

The most common resolutions center around improving health, finances, job situations, social connections, or organizational skills; learning something new; or helping others. All of these are admirable goals, and some are easier to accomplish than others. In addition, some people are actually wired for change more than others, so that may explain why some friends may make a major change effortlessly each year while others struggle for decades to change one thing.

Historically, I have not been very successful at keeping my resolutions, so this year I am going to try to apply some advice from experts and successful resolution-keepers as well my own past experiences, which I thought I would share with you:

First and foremost, the desire to change has to come from within. If you are trying to change to please somebody else, it probably won’t happen. So, “nag less” is not on my list.

Expect success. Many resolutions fail because people expect them to fail. Henry Ford once said, “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.” So like the little engine, “I think I can.”

Be your own cheerleader. Some self-doubt is natural, but you can propel yourself past it with positive self-talk. I like to create a short mantra to combat my negative thoughts. Repeat it, write it down, post it on your bathroom mirror. For example, if you want to ask for a promotion, thinking “I deserve this” can keep you focused and calm your nerves. I’m going to post “Cleaning before dinner is a waste of time.” on my refrigerator to remind me to make better use of my valuable time.

Taking small steps works better than aiming high. I think one reason my resolutions rarely last through January is that my goals are too broad. “Eat better”, “Exercise”, “Write more”, and “Stop procrastinating” are all good objectives, but there is little guidance in those phrases as to how to make them happen. This year I am going to reduce the number of resolutions, and increase the specifics for each action plan. How will I create healthier meals? When will I exercise? Where do I want to get published? As for procrastinating? Well, “just do it” is my mantra for that one (because, truth be told, in the time it takes to write my “to do” list, I could have completed half the things on it.)

Change your environment, if necessary. You won’t be able to quit smoking if your main social circle is the smoker huddle outside your office. And you can’t write your novel sitting between children doing homework at the kitchen table.

Implement rewards after each small victory. But be careful. A reward should be something that furthers your success rather than returns you to old habits (e.g. buying a new outfit after weight loss rather than “treating yourself” to an ice cream sundae).

Secure solid social support. Revealing your resolutions to others helps make you more accountable, but be sure to choose supporters who will applaud your successes and accept your occasional setbacks. And if you’re chosen to support, remember to be a fan, not a critic.

Because there will be setbacks. Adjust your expectations, forgive your mistakes, and be patient. A behavior that has been established over decades is not likely to be changed overnight.

So if you come by my house in the afternoon and it’s a mess, congratulate me on changing my ways.